It was the pom-poms I tell you, the pom-poms

Texas house to ban "overly sexual" cheerleading

Social Conservatives (who can apparently be democrats now) are very worried about sex, it seems. From homosexuality to pregnant teens, some people seem to be really worried about our kids and the sex they're having. We have a lot of rules about sex in our society. Certainly we wouldn't want kids to, I don't know, figure stuff out. Most social conservatives seem to be in general panic that a human being with functioning reproductive organs would go ahead and reproduce without getting anyone's permission. I know, it's crazy. Everybody knows you fill out a WW-869 to get permission from His Majesty's Government when having sex with someone you like. But apparently some scalawags insist on just doing it, perhaps even doggy style.

At last, however, we've discovered the cause of this nightmare of depravity: Cheerleaders. Particularly erotic cheerleaders.

Edwards argued bawdy performances are a distraction for students resulting in pregnancies, dropouts and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Ribald performances are not defined in the bill. "Any adult that's been involved with sex in their lives, they know it when they see it," he said.

That's right, friends. Pregnancies, dropouts, and STDs are the fault of those damn bawdy cheerleaders. Clearly, this must be stopped. Otherwise there might be dancing! Or Pool! Right here in river city!

I can just imagine an interviewer sitting down with a pregnant teenager.

"Tell us, dear. What led you to this state of affairs?"

[Cries]. "It was the cheerleaders. They led me down the path of moral depravity."

Side note: Apparently, during the debate, many representatives waved pom-poms. One hopes this did not result in makeout sessions on the house floor.